I don’t tell anyone this, but I was engaged to a boy that I didn’t end up marrying. We had a date set in the temple and everything. He broke it off. He told me that he usually dates, “really skinny brunettes,” and that he, “knew he could find someone much better.”
I had never been crushed so low in my entire life.Reasonably so, right? My self-esteem completely shattered. Even that is an understatement. I’m not skinny enough, pretty enough, I am easily replaceable and bluntly and put, just not good enough. Like, how do you come back from hearing that from someone you were about to marry?
But this post isn’t about marriage, and it’s not even about relationships, (you can read that in my, ‘I’ll Never Get Married,’ blog post, it’s my #2 most read post!).
But most of all, I had never been more spiritually confused in my entire life. This is one of the trickiest things I’ve gone through. Not because I wasn’t with this guy, but because I thought I was following the spirit, so how could it not work out? What did I do wrong? Why am I being denied such a righteous desire? What’s wrong with me? I all of a sudden doubted my relationship with the spirit—did I even really know him? Was I doing it wrong the whole time? Every day, no matter how hard I tried to be positive and strong, I’d still breakdown.
Every day I’d find myself screaming and pleading to God that this whole thing would be over and that things could be different. And yet, it seemed they weren’t. I worked overtime every day doing everything I could to try and get out of this spiritual and emotional slump that I couldn’t seem to get out of no matter how many prayers I said. I longed for it to pass, and it didn’t. I was mad thinking that my faith and my God were failing me.
I learned an important principal during this time that has literally changed.my.life. I was tired of being upset. I was tired of being confused. I was tired of doubting myself and my efforts. So I decided to stop.
Yepp. I just decided to stop feeling that way.
If I was trying this hard and the trial wasn’t ending yet, then I decided I was going to be productive with my time. I was going to actively seek out lessons. I was going to write down how I felt and questions I had in hopes of documenting things to turn around and help others. There will always be something to overcome, something hard to handle, or something new to figure out. How unproductive it is to long for the trial to be over, to crave a fast-forward button, to hang onto that make-believe mortal vision we create in our minds. I turned my anger and confusion into productive experiences that allowed me to grow in the greatest ways. Having that mindset will chase away anger or bitterness and turn your trying times into productive learning and growing times.
I learned a lot from that engagement not working out. One of them being that, although I didn’t get married then, I knew that engagement was supposed to happen, because it led me to a trial that led me to learning vital lessons I couldn’t imagined living life without. Lessons I would be lost without knowing. Every bit of pain, confusion, discomfort, and loneliness weren’t for nothing; they were for the best and 1,000% worth it. As hard as things were and continue to be, I am better. I am happy. I am progressing. And I am oh so blessed.
I learned that if we are trying, we will never be asked to go through things that wouldn’t be for the best. Lessons and growth are there. God is there. I learned time and time again that although nothing may go the way we want and pray for them to be, they will always be profoundly better than what we even knew was available for ourselves from following the spirit. All trials and change of courses will lead us to better things and bigger blessings. Every.single.time. That things will be better than they were before the trial even came.
Sometimes we can’t help but think how much easier it would be if things had gone the way we wanted them to go. But little do we know what’s right around the corner for us when we choose to remember God—opportunities that await, the people, the growth, and the blessings.
I learned that promised blessings never expire. Just because things haven’t worked out yet, doesn’t mean they won’t.
Don’t allow passing time to bring doubt or cause you to settle. Don’t lose patience and miss out on what He has in store for you. And in the meantime, don’t hold yourself back from learning and growing and experiencing other things. Just hold on, and don’t lose confidence. Heavenly father knows what’s important to us and what we need.
Do not let time and trials dim your faith or diminish the truthfulness of His promises to you. Never lose confidence, His promises are so real. There are far, far better things ahead, I promise. God promises. That’s what I love about Him, you will never be short changed from the best blessings ever. Your prayers have been heard. But greater are the things He has in store for you. Receive the unexpected but profoundly greater path with the best blessings.
Stop living in the future, and enjoy today. Search, learn, and find joy in your trials, because surely there will be many. Love who you are and where you are.
And never let a change of course take away from the unchangeable truth that God is taking care of you. You may not have gone where you had in mind, but you will end up where you need to be with better blessings.
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