honestly…I was a little bit apprehensive about this year.A lot of unanswered questions and big big decisions that are out of our hands for Ben to pursue his PhD. This year is guaranteed a new and long season for us. WHYYYY is trusting God so hard sometimes?? If it is true that we have the most all-knowing, powerful, perfect Being to ever exist on our side, why is it so hard to allow His will to take over and to fully give it to Him? Why is it so hard to let Him take care of us? Why wouldn’t we want things to go how our perfect God wants them to? Why is it so hard to let God be God?
I can think of several things off the top of my head, but it all comes down to one thing for me:it could mean uncharted, unmarked, unwanted paths. Giving it to God means an unexpected outcome. It could mean giving up comfort or passions. It’s hard because we don’t know where any of it will lead us. *If we give it to Him, what is He going to do with it?* What if we don’t like where He brings us? If I were in charge and if things went MY way, then I’m able to control unmet expectations & disappointments. I feel safer when I am in charge of my own life because it’s comfortable knowing and being in charge. Unknown variables brings fear and hesitation; the playground for the adversary, who usually gets to me more in my thoughts and hypotheticals than anything else. Thoughts that could have the power to immobilize us and stop us from making even a step in the right direction simply because it’s on a new, uncharted path for us. Thoughts and doubts that can be so crippling that we become heavy enough for no movement. Fear and wonder that can be so powerful that they turned Lot’s wife into a pillar of salt. And it wasn’t necessarily because she looked back that it destroyed her, but because she entertained those dangerous and immobilizing thoughts from the adversary and doubted the Lord’s ability to bring her somewhere *better. BUT what happens when we slow down or -stay still- or dismiss or second-guess? The adversary wins. Although the weight of moving forward can sometimes feel heavy—we only get to do this mortality thing once and life is too short to get worked up and worried about things we have no control over. Too short to forget something most important: God. Too short to forget that the unexpected is God intervening. Too short to forget that His whole purpose is to bring us to the best things. Too short to forget that we don’t truly want things our way. Too short to forget how thrilling it is to live by faith. It’s all my unplanned & unreadiness that has really made my relationship with God personal & real. It’s made trusting in Him possible & desirable.I have really learned to continue to push through the hard, love the unexpected & actually look forward to the unwanted. AND WHAT A RIDE! Because regardless of all these variables, it can’t take away from the reality that God’s entire existence is to lift us higher & make us better & bring us to theist things. I remember Amulek’s response to Alma when he asked if they, too, were going to be burned: “Be it according to the will of the Lord.” Surely if Amulek can have that kind of faith & trust when he was staring at literal death & flames in front of his eyes, I can also muster enough faith to say, ‘so be it’ to 2020 & our new season & to God’s *truly perfect plan. What thoughts are we entertaining in our minds? Are we Alma, wondering what if? Or are we Amulek, saying, ‘so be it?’ Are we allowing the adversary to win simply by standing still? Because if there’s one thing I know about Satan, it’s that he will do anything that simply keeps us from taking even one step closer to what God wants us to be doing. Are we moving? Are we seeing it through and allowing life and its promised blessings to unfold and blossom? So, if we give it to God, what’s He going to do with it? Magnify it. xoxAL
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